Running With Asthma

Start line for the marathon. I’m in there somewhere…

The short answer is that I finished the 1/2 marathon in November.  If you read my previous posts, I was really anxious about whether I would be able to go the full 13.1.  I did.  The longer answer is that as soon as I crossed the finish line, I went into a full blown asthma attack!  It wasn’t pretty.  The medics came over with a gurney and wheeled me over to their first aid station, but not before I had  my finisher’s medal around my neck.  Priorities!

The reason for the attack? Emotions. I saw the finish line and couldn’t believe I had accomplished my goal. I broke into tears and all I could think about was, “Did I just do that? Did I really run 13.1 miles?” The lungs cannot multi-task. They cannot run and cry at the same time. I pushed forward to run across the finish, as I cried, and the lungs closed up in a nano-second. It was a classic attack: gasping for air, gasping for the inhaler, terrified I was going to pass out.

I ran a second 1/2 marathon in December.  I wasn’t going to sign up because I was afraid.  What if it happened again?  The day before the race in December, my husband talked me into running.  I hadn’t been training, just doing my normal runs.  My goal for the run in November was to finish; this time it was to finish without passing out!

Goal accomplished.  I had a little more fun the second time around, took in the scenery and just relaxed.  However, once I came to the finish line, my emotions started to get away from me again and my lungs threatened to close again.  My husband said it looked like I was running backwards and forwards at the same time.  I think I was because that is what it felt like.

The ambivalence of seeing the word “finish” and then having to run under and across it is uncomfortable.  I suppose that is why it took me so long to add this post.  I’m just not sure  what to think anymore.  Obviously I can run 13.1 miles. Obviously the asthma isn’t holding me back to the point of not doing what I want. But what?

My neighbor said to me it’s all in my head.  The whole asthma thing.  I rolled my eyes of course, because that is what I do when I hear something silly.  He thinks it is my body’s response to some mental blocks of “not being…” (fill in the blank: not being good enough, not being able to keep up, etc. etc.) Okay, whatever. Maybe it is organic as he says.  I don’t think so.  But I’ll keep thinking about it.

I do know that short runs seem to exacerbate my lungs more than long runs; the harder I push up a hill and force them to open up, the better I feel. Metaphor?  The more long runs I do (5 or more miles),  the faster I become and the better my breathing is. One of these days I’ll figure this out; when I do, I’ll let you know.  In the meantime, read Runner’s Word Magazine.  It’s amazing.

UPDATE: Reading this post in 2015 makes me wonder what all the gloom and doom was about. This post should have been shouting with joy that I ran a half-marathon with asthma! I answered the question “Can I?” with a resounding “Yes! You can!” It amazes me how deep the negativity and insecurity was. Why was I not willing to be joyful in a success?

–Tara Schiro is the author of No Arms, No Legs, No Problem: When life happens, you can wish to die or choose to live NOW AVAILABLE http://www.amazon.com/No-Arms-Legs-Problem-happens/dp/0986305308 on Amazon and Barnes and Noble http://www.NoArmsNoLegsNoProblem.com